challenges forge tools

i can hear my mother reminding me…
“what don’t kill does fatten” which is the Guyanese version of  “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

and it’s true, of course.  i would also add that challenges forge tools, which is a leg of a loop i use in my personal development and fulfillment coaching (loop: practice cultivates skill, challenges forge tools, and enjoyment fuels persistence).

our talents help us look good, but our challenges make us great
we are rewarded for things that we are good at when in the company of those who can appreciate it.  but our challenges often happen a dark place when we feel alone and unsupported.  another thing my mother says is that “you’re never given anything you can’t handle”. i cringe when i hear it because i’m bracing myself for what i know is coming.  i’m going to have to dig deep to make it through.  then Mom says, “one day, you’re going to look back on this and laugh”.  another cringe, a sigh… and here we go.

for the most part, folks in the West grow up and live clearly defined rights-of-passage rituals–a planned event that helps an individual develop a skill set or surpass a significant challenge to demonstrate their ability to participate as a member of the society.  yes, there are a few such as baptism, bar/bat mitzvah, graduations, weddings, etc.

however, many miss the ample supply of personal development opportunities at the ready… if we could only recognize them as such.  i’m referring to the garland of trials and tribulations (or challenges) we face as we live day to day.  so how do these challenges forge tools?

let’s take a moment to look at the basic kinds of challenges.
i believe there are two major categories of challenges in personal development; these are challenges of structure and challenges of flow.  challenges of structure include physical and intellectual challenges.  challenges of flow include emotional and creative challenges.  a well rounded individual would do well to choose to take on all of the above.

one needs structure to manage flow… or else everything kind of oozes everywhere

• physical challenges build physical strength and mental fortitude, enhance skills; completion brings a sense of accomplishment and can bolster confidence and self esteem.  too much physicality brings tightness, rigidity, and injury.
• intellectual challenges help strengthen discernment and amass knowledge.  too much intellectualism brings snobbery and prejudice, it also diminishes real time awareness.

work a muscle to tightness: lose range of motion, not as much strength… may become fatigued more easily.
study or examine with rigidity: very accurate, but  no room for flexibility needed real world application.

emotions and creativity work in the opposite way… too much space not enough structure, everything is a mess

structure must be tempered with space and fluidity… or there’s no where to move

• emotional challenges develop emotional intelligence, highly perceptive awareness, and establish standards regardless of the type of challenge.  be aware that if choices are made from fear, and emotional barriers are erected, this fills up your structure with emotional sludge… blocking space and preventing fluidity.  although it may feel vulnerable, tapping into and using  your emotional intelligence enhances strength and personal integrity.
• creative challenges develop lateral thinking and possibilities that transcend slower methodical logic.  this is not about aesthetics.  creativity allows elegance in solutions, harmonizing of ideas, and more fulfilling experiences.  i also see creativity as the caulk that fills the gap or the balm that eases the tension between structure and flow.

the more you take on your challenges, the more your toolbox grows. you make a plan, something comes up.  you are forced to rethink, reevaluate, and sometimes recreate what you are working on.  you work and you get a cramp or get sick or something breaks down.  you are forced to rest, reflect, and regroup.  you have a difference of opinion with someone close to you and you consider trashing the whole thing.  but if you value that person, just think if you took a moment to open up to empathy and understanding.   your tools, the resolution to your challenges, are your healing.

take a moment reflect on your life. look back at the particularly hard or frustrating times.  no matter what, the fact that you’re reading this is a testament that you made it through and you didn’t die… although it may have felt like it at the time.  if you actually were close to death with severe injury or illness, there was definitely something inside that believed, beyond the current condition, that there was something to live for, something to strive for.  whatever it was that got you through is still with you: call upon it.  or call upon them: your Inner Staff.

each level of the self (each member of your Inner Staff) has it’s own set of tools you can access to help you with your challenges. the ideas that have brought me the most success and the most useful tools have come out of challenges and from inspiration while in the depth of the muck of surviving and learning. the more you can integrate and check in on all levels and use the tools / gifts / insights from your experiences, the more you’ll start to see patterns and live an inspired, fulfilling life.

the choice is yours:
you can stay and keep dredging around in the muck of your challenges looking for situations that reflect a familiar past (which–may i remind you–you disliked anyway).  or you can emerge from that muck, changed, enlivened with new perspectives, elevated with insights, skillfully confident, and brandishing newly forged tools.

***

on a personal note… it is my challenges and experiences, my setbacks and achievements that have directly created tools and cultivated the techniques for personal growth i present in this blog and at my workshops.  from transformational transitions (often with many sweeping changes in multiple areas of my life at the same time) to breathtaking leaps of faith (usually without a safety net), my life has been the testing ground for the techniques and perspectives i share here with hopes they will help support the leaps you take.

your comments are welcome.

© Copyright 2009

enjoyment fuels persistence

there is a loop i use when i am doing my fulfillment coaching work.

it is that practice cultivates skill, challenges forge tools, and enjoyment fuels persistence.  but right now i want to focus on enjoyment.

enjoyment, pleasure, fun, the “rush” all give us positive feedback from whatever situation or event delivered this feeling.  these associations make us want to do the same thing again.  when this gets out of hand it becomes “addiction”.  when taken in healthy doses, it is also this enjoyment that gives the energy to go on, to persist, even when it doesn’t feel so good to be right here right now.

enjoyment can happen in the moment that work is happening, but it can also happen as the result of accomplishing a challenge (more on the benefits and necessity of challenge in challenges forge tools)

enjoyment is a necessary part of life, NOT a guilty pleasure. the puritanical roots of our society have duped us into believing that it is only through hard work and struggle that anything can be accomplished.   i would say “hogwash”, but there is a time when you will have some necessary effort.

i know that you know exactly what it takes to create enjoyment in your life. i can just hear the i-don’t-know’s and i’m-not-sure’s just rearing their disempowering heads right now. you do know… just check in with yourself.  you could definitely come up with at least a few things to create enjoyment in the next few minutes if you took some time to ask.  and if you do it without thinking, the suggestions would likely not only bring simple enjoyment, but deep satisfaction and joy.

but we don’t listen to ourselves.  we do what we ought to.  we’re very obedient.  and all that obedience makes for very dull people. we justify the lackluster existence by demonstrating how well liked we are by other lackluster people who also don’t have anything going on: look at how my lackluster matches Pete & Jane’s lackluster.  or, look how my blinged-out my lackluster life with things that someone told me would show well.  ooohwee!  now THAT is hogwash!

what could be more uninspiring than scripted living?

there is nothing lackluster about you unless you’ve dulled yourself down!  look at how bright and shiny babies are.  then obedience dulls them down.  memorization, scripted school lessons, and standing in single file lines dulls them down.   unfulfilling jobs dull people down.  self imposed obligation dulls people down.  un-fresh food dulls people down.  predictable living dulls people down.  it is no wonder that observing commuters is like a study in variations on drab.  it actually hurts my heart to witness people living lackluster when i know so much more is possible.

a friend of mine recently relocated across the country.  she accepted a position that started out as an exciting and well-paid position in her field.  a short few months, she discovered the lackluster quality of the position and the b.s. started stinking.  about that time she began her own project that included a blog and a series of interviews.  she gained so much from doing this due to the enjoyment she experienced, that it didn’t even matter how much lackluster madness went on in the office, she knew she had something special going on after work. it fueled her life and she became vibrant and felt alive.  even though she’s still employed with these folks, she has her joy, it helps her to persist through her work week.  and the good news is that her decision to prioritize her enjoyment helped her to negotiate a better position, retain her pay, and have a 4 day work week, and works from home which allows her to enjoy more of her life more of the time.  do you think she is enjoying herself?  she damn sure is and she has regained her vibrant nature.  (read more about what inspired living is about on her blog)

the take away here is that she took it upon herself to create something she enjoyed.  it came from inside her.  because it came from her own inspiration, this vibrant project made all the difference and helped her to persist through a challenging situation.

what kinds of activities help you feel inspired, vibrant, and alive?

your comments are welcome.

© Copyright 2009

flowing sweetly

word of the day 4/30…

mellifluous: flowing sweetly or smoothly

i think it’d be a bit awkward using this new vocabulary word with some.  however, it struck me today how we have a choice as to whether news is jarring or whether it fits right into the grand scheme. sometimes, it takes us a while to realize how certain things that certainly rocked the boat at impact yet turned out to be what set us up for smooth sailing later.

so what’s the difference?  in simple terms, it is a decision. a touch more examination would be that you can change your perspective; you can change how you see what you’re observing.

for a moment, let’s get really objective…
a collision occurs:  do either of the vehicles involved have an opinion about what happened?  no.  does a light post, curb, the tree, a squirrel or bird have an opinion about it?  no.  do the operators of the vehicles have an opinion about it?  absolutely!  do other human observers have have an opinion about it? perhaps.   human beings create the meaning for all the events that occur.  if there are strong emotions involved (like the drivers of each vehicle), an event has far more impact.  if there is little emotional involvement (like a passer by who noticed a piece of a break light plastic after the vehicles are removed) the event has little impact.  in both cases, it is up to the interpretation of the individual.

ten years ago, i entered into a marriage.  things didn’t go quite as planned. in the process, i moved from chicago to dc, went back to school, and became a yoga teacher.  four years ago, the marriage was derailed due to several factors that carved deep irreconcilable rifts.  i felt blind sided and like my life was ruined.  i had not expected to be child free, divorced, unemployed, living in dc indefinitely, and starting over with an extremely meager financial safety net.

today when i talk about my former husband, i say, he delivered me to dc.  i no longer feel blind sided.  i usually add what a blessing it was that i met him since there was no other way i’d have ended up in dc.  so… what changed?  i did.  belive me, it was a process getting from the turbulent waters of 2005 to the sweet, smooth flow of 2009.

and i will also say this:
notice i chose a picture that included smooth water and a horizon AND rocks and boulders. i am mindful of the obstacles, the challenges on which toes get stubbed, joints get sprained, skin gets scratched, flesh gets bruised.  my life is certainly not without it’s lessons.  but each time they come up, i take time to reflect.  i take time to check in.  i take time to recognize how the blessings unfold.

my own inner staff helps me a lot with perspective. i notice that they always see the bright side of things, even when i have a strong emotional reaction.  i can examine the concern from every level of myself and every level provides wisdom that keeps me mindful of opportunities within each challenge.   and they show me a sweet, smooth flow when i stop causing ripples with my reactions.

your comments are welcome.

© Copyright 2009

mortal fear of living

a precious moment of living i captured while camping at the beach last summer

i don’t think that people are actually afraid of dying. instead i believe that most people are afraid of dying without having lived.  worse yet, this fear is compounded by having a mortal fear of living.

whew!!!  quite a  conundrum.

i know for sure that each and every person who comes into this life is born has a something unique to share. it grows inside and begins to show itself as a person develops particular interests.  if given time and space to develop, it may appear as a life’s passion, especially when they become experts at whatever it is.

in the event that the passion / interest / gift is a bit too risky, some choose instead to eke out what society would consider a successful existence with gainful employment and a steady paycheck.  unless you have incorporated your  interests (your passion, that special gift you’re here to deliver) into your life, you’ll likely feel unfulfilled.

look at your life with fresh eyes:
if you were to take your planner for the past month and tally the number of hours you spent doing various things in your life… what would your schedule say about your priorities? and does what you spend the most time doing help you to feel inspired and alive?  is there something that does make you feel alive but gets little or no time?  how many times during that period did you feel really vibrant and fulfilled?

checking in with your Inner Staff can give you insight on what fulfills you… and they can even help you figure out ways to do it: take care of business, experience satisfaction, and truly enjoy more of your life.

your comments are welcome.

© Copyright 2009

Inner Harmony is possible

Find out how on April 26th…

If you’ve ever had a difficult time making a decision, whether it was a complex situation or just what have for dinner, you know how frustrating it can be. With her Inner Staff technique, Tazima can help you end the back and forth, make proactive decisions, and take definitive steps toward your goals.

Part II of her 3-part series The Chakras: Your Personal Inner Staff, Tazima reveals her step-by-step process for hosting an inner staff meeting and help you distinguish what’s really going on inside of you.

During Part II: Inner Staff Development for Harmony, learn to:

* reduce confusion, truly hear, and distinguish subtle levels of your inner voice
* cultivate peace, strengthen natural allegiances, and harmonize your inner influences
* develop clarity, choose more easily, and live proactively while being true to yourself

Participants will be guided through a mixed level yoga practice to connect mind and body. Modifications and/or challenges will be given to accommodate various levels. Workshop content helps participants identify, understand, and connect with all levels of the self through the chakras. Guided meditation and journaling exercises will also help foster deep awareness and self-acceptance.

Join me at Flow Yoga Center
1450 P Street, NW, Washington, DC

Date:  Sunday, April 26, 2009
12:30 – 3:00 pm

Investment: $45
Sign up online @ www.flowyogacenter.com
[on the workshop page scroll to "The Chakras: Your Personal Inner Staff - Part II" on 4/26]

earth day special

in honor of Earth Day i say this…

live like you give a damn!
don’t just sit there wishing it would happen, do something.  get engaged in your life.  do what’s in your heart.  it might scare you to death getting started, but imagine how much worse death is if you haven’t lived.

move your ass…
don’t just wish your ass was a different size or workout because the surgeon general said so.  find something you like to do and work it like there’s no tomorrow.  do it because you respect and love yourself.  this is the only body you have.  and if you don’t move it, you will loose it.  even if you’re sore the next day, don’t stop and in a few weeks, your ass will thank you.

eat like your mama (earth) taught you
does what you’re eating look like it was grown on a tree, picked from a vine, or prepared with care?  if not, make a change.  i will never understand why someone thought it was a good idea to cram breakfast into a sandwich (including condiments) you can eat with one hand.  if this is your idea of convenience, i ask you to consider slowing your life down.

work it like you mean it.
if you are doing a job you can’t stand, set yourself up for something closer to what you enjoy.  if you do the work you love, it isn’t work at all.   others might complain about their jobs, don’t join the pity party.  if you are happy where you are, show it.  get out of the hallway and get back to work, do it with pride… then live your life like you love it after work.

recycle it with respect!
don’t just recycle because you want to “save the planet”.  do it out of respect for yourself and your surroundings.  live and consume with foresight.  more fresh food on a plate, fewer meals eaten out of styrofoam. more filtered water in reusable stainless travel bottles, less overpriced bottled water.  more walking, cycling, and skipping, less driving (see section called “move your ass”).

the best thing you can do for this planet is to be a happy, fulfilled person with self respect. take care of yourself, take care of your body, take care of your space, love your life, and share something special with those around you.

your comments are welcome.

© Copyright 2009

decision unfolds to opportunity

“decision unfolds to opportunity” the inspiration said to me that day.

and in fact it does.

part of the challenge is that this western society in which we live encourages everyone to give up their autonomy.  most folks accept the resulting orwellian quagmire then decorate the ramshackle lot with trinkets… making the best of it.

every decision offers it's own opportunity

human life is so much more precious than merely “making the best of it”. the difference (read: distance) between making the best of it and living a dream is a decision.

whenever you decide, your world adjusts to reflect your decision… every time and without fail.  the adjustments can be small: to subtly keep you in the flow;  medium: manageable stepping stones that fall into place or sign posts to direct you along the way; or large: sweeping life changes that cause huge upheaval or major course correction.

sometimes the adjustment comes in a form that says: ok, you want it, you’ve got it. we label these adjustments: luck, good fortune, blessings, etc.  sometimes the adjustment comes in a form that asks: are you are sure?… or is designed to help you develop a tool you’ll need later. we call these kinds of adjustments: challenges, obstacles, adversity, etc.   in any case, when the decision is made it offers an opportunity.  also note: NOT making a decision is also a decision.

let’s take a step back and break this down… get into this unfolding business.
so, let’s say you’re faced with a situation that requires both your attention and a decision of some sort.  just for fun, let’s say the decision has a finite time frame.  and let’s say it involves a bit of risk… whether perceived or real.  there might be some inner back and forth and some checking in with friends or loved ones.

if it is a decision that requires an investment of time, effort, perhaps money, and resources / collaboration, often accompanying the consideration is some degree of worry.  in my years of counseling, i have never had anyone give me a good and helpful reason to keep worrying about something.  fortunately, decision obliterates worry.

internally, the back and forth often ends with bully-takes-all where your inner bully acts from fear.  so even if the odds were that you would benefit from taking a bit of risk and acting in a timely manner, you talk yourself out of it.  most folks living from fear end up with pretty predictable, slightly boring, rather uninspired lives.  it feels secure, but it is not actual living.

during your decision-making process, if you were to check in with all seven levels of yourself, you would discover that each of the seven would have something distinct and useful to contribute. with this input, whether consistent across all seven or an outlier or two, you could access your inner wisdom, address any concerns, and move forward with insight that aligns you with your highest good = integrated self = inspired life.

yes, there are consequences to every possible choice: some we enjoy, some maybe not so much. yes, there will be adjustments needed regardless of the choice: these are all opportunities to learn, enjoy, or sharpen your skills, or expand your tool kit.  the important part is willingness to listen to the wisdom within every step of the way.

once an integrated decision is made, you’ll notice how things begin to fall into place. you meet the right people, you start being in the right place at the right time, things flow.  if it happens to be a passion that you bring to the center of your life, you might even get paid for doing what you love… and if you let yourself receive it, the more money and resources will flow toward you.  and the more you do the work you love, the less it feels like work and the more it feels like play.  i don’t know about you, but getting paid to play?  now that’s really being alive.

your comments are welcome.

© Copyright 2009

groove is in the heart

doing what you love will likely involve disappointment & setbacks as well as unspeakable joy & deep satisfaction.

i find this with the ebb and flow of self employment that this is the norm. what happens next is up to you.  the key to the *insert dream vehicle here* for navigating the path that leads to your unique purpose resides in your heart.

the heart chakra –likely the most popular of all seven– is responsible for our unconditional love, compassion, passion, and emotions in general. western society sort of a love-hate thing going on with the heart.  on the one hand, nearly every song and movie make reference to affairs of the heart.   on the other hand, showing emotion is taken as a sign of weakness.

the emotions are great for informing you of where you are on the map. check in with yourself… what emotions do you feel most often?  what emotions do you suppress?  when people ask you how you’re doing, what is your most frequent answer?  and is that answer accurate?

the truth is this…
if your heart has been telling you to do something for a while now, and you haven’t given the heart room to explore whatever it is, you have tension. you probably have frustration.  and it is likely that you haven’t expressed yourself fully in other areas either.  this takes a lot of energy.

some of you know exactly what i’m talking about. if this is you, see what you can do to give the heart some time, space, and opportunity to explore and enjoy.  you’ll find and experience that unspeakable joy and deep satisfaction i mentioned earlier.  if you bring that passion to the center of your life, the setbacks and disappointments will give you lessons and tools you need along the way.  if lessons are learned and tools applied properly… more joy and groove in the heart for you.

[special thanks to deee-lite for doing their thing and inspiring me during my formative years.]

© Copyright 2009

self as a process

paraphrased from something i read: the self is the process that comes about from the interaction of body and soul.

i might add that personal development (the work of self evolution) must involve the body and be meaningful to the soul.

i get so tired of people speaking in not-so-plain terms about personal development. often, what i hear goes into the new-agey, overly mysticized, woo woo kinda category.  i think to myself: does this author even know that no one / very few people even know what she/he is on about?

let me be clear–it is not that i don’t think there’s something absolutely fascinating and fantastic going on just beyond the veil of reality.  instead, the bone i’m picking is that rarely has any of the talk about it been brought down to earth:  it isn’t being discussed in practical terms.  you read something and you say: ok… that’s lovely and all, but what does it mean when i’m shuffling in the mundane day-to-day?

speaking of overly mysticized, woo woo kinda stuff, take nutrition guidance for example… people usually don’t think of it as another language, but in many cases, it is as bad (if not worse) than legalese!  and i know firsthand: i worked with folks providing nutrition guidance for many years.  it is all jargon, all the time.  what’s worse is that no one knows it’s jargon.  let me put it this way… tell me what potassium looks like… ok, how about vitamin a… an antioxidant?  anyone?

aside from an extra nerdy food scientist / organic chemist (pointing to self) who might actually be able to give the symbol and the atomic number or

the retinol form of vitamin a... just in case something nerdy inside you wanted to know. and, no, there won't be a pop quiz.

draw a diagram of the chemical structure of one of these nutrients, the average individual trying have better health has got no clue.  there is nothing in the average person’s reality that can create a relation to this concept.  the concept of certain nutrients is just an intellectual idea.

now… anyone know what bananas, carrots, or blueberries look like?  exactly!  you have a pretty good idea and you can probably reference a memory or series of memories related to experiences with a banana (potassium / K / 19), carrots (vitamin a / beta carotene / retinol), and blueberries (antioxidant – anthocyanidins).  you know whether you like bananas, carrots, or bluberries.  you know how frequently you have them or avoid them.

back to our personal development piece…
ok, so in the same way, when we read some vague or mystical text we don’t really know what to do with it.  the way to REALLY help people get some things moved and developed in the self and their lives is to engage the body with movement and invite concepts and aspirations that stir the soul, and bonus if it has got meaning and there’s opportunity for practical application.

when it’s all mental / intellectual / discussion (all activities of the head) and the body is left out, it can be easily forgotten and not integrated. then you have to start all over again and read another book, pay for another pricey retreat, or attend another lecture.

what if you could have a tool to use for personal development AND use to choose how much potassium, vitamin a, and antioxidants (i mean bananas, carrots, and blueberries) to put in your shopping cart?

this is why i developed Inner Staff and i share it with the world.  it is my answer to the personal development conundrum.  i say to the gurus and professors and industry leaders, if you can’t explain it to a 5 year-old then consider you don’t know quite enough yet.

© Copyright 2009

How To Meet Your Inner Staff

there are currently three ways to meet your inner staff.

1. attend my next inner staff workshop in washington, dc on sunday 4/26/09
   (stay tuned for more workshops, and teleclasses)
2. contact me for a private consultation
3. follow me on twitter

the fourth way is on the horizon…
i am currently writing the inner staff how-to book.  the content guides you through the step-by-step process of meeting your inner staff, getting to know their priorities and challenges, and cultivating inner harmony.